08.10
decline
last entry i mentioned that my dreams have become more vivid. guess i was right. they're consistently memorable. that's not what this entire entry will be about, though.
socializing
i'm in a social decline at the moment. started out strong with some penpals and using the Tandem app to chat with people, but it's going downhill again. every day i think about how i should get back to my e-penpals, but i roll over and go to sleep instead. or fuck around on my phone. the sleepiness from my medications isn't helping either.
it's a bit bummy to be so terribly introverted at times. 'cause i like talking to some people, but that's not enough to make me continue to do so.
art
been trying to draw with not much success. done little things here and there. i'm seriously unsatisfied. it used to be so much easier to draw before i got so stressed. it's like all the bad stuff ripped away my artist title. over the years, i've tried rekindling things, but it still is so tough. working on simplifying my style as to make things easier on me. it's still not going to best, but i'll keep trying.
socializing
i'm in a social decline at the moment. started out strong with some penpals and using the Tandem app to chat with people, but it's going downhill again. every day i think about how i should get back to my e-penpals, but i roll over and go to sleep instead. or fuck around on my phone. the sleepiness from my medications isn't helping either.
it's a bit bummy to be so terribly introverted at times. 'cause i like talking to some people, but that's not enough to make me continue to do so.
art
been trying to draw with not much success. done little things here and there. i'm seriously unsatisfied. it used to be so much easier to draw before i got so stressed. it's like all the bad stuff ripped away my artist title. over the years, i've tried rekindling things, but it still is so tough. working on simplifying my style as to make things easier on me. it's still not going to best, but i'll keep trying.
07.18
adjustments
i'm not sure if i should say i've been "under a lot of stress" lately or not since being stressed became my default state of being ages ago. the whole "fraudulent charges on my card" thing made this month suck a bit, but it's whatever. after calling and what not, things are back in order.
so, i only have to pay my own balance now. woo. that was a handful.
yesterday was alright
pretty sure my current lineup is giving me more vivid and memorable dreams. i haven't written all of them down, but there have definitely been more. my dream well nearly dried up a few years ago, unfortunately, but it's good to see my brain opening up again.
my main focus is being able to work consistently like i used to, and being able to draw more often/better. there's no guarantee the art thing will happen, but my fingers are crossed. i have been working better the past few days since i started frontloading like i used to. using a checklist for my daily routine helps, too.
despite that, today hasn't gone that well for work because i am extremely sleepy. i logged in to get some stuff done, but it didn't last long. i've been yawning and tearing up all day. that usually makes it very difficult to see because my eyes are so watery and blurry. idk. maybe i should rest for the day.
so, i only have to pay my own balance now. woo. that was a handful.
yesterday was alright
went to the store to pick up refills for my zoloft and zyprexa blands (are they called generics? think so), but ended up not being able to because my psychiatrist rejected them. i had a virtual appointment with her the same day, so that's probably why. ended up doing the appt while standing outside of Walmart LOL she asked why i was outside. it wasn't too bad, though. went quickly. she upped the zy to see if it'd help since i still feel quite "meh" most the time. i hope it helps.
pretty sure my current lineup is giving me more vivid and memorable dreams. i haven't written all of them down, but there have definitely been more. my dream well nearly dried up a few years ago, unfortunately, but it's good to see my brain opening up again.
my main focus is being able to work consistently like i used to, and being able to draw more often/better. there's no guarantee the art thing will happen, but my fingers are crossed. i have been working better the past few days since i started frontloading like i used to. using a checklist for my daily routine helps, too.
despite that, today hasn't gone that well for work because i am extremely sleepy. i logged in to get some stuff done, but it didn't last long. i've been yawning and tearing up all day. that usually makes it very difficult to see because my eyes are so watery and blurry. idk. maybe i should rest for the day.
07.18
new diary
my main blog on the front page is cool, but i felt the need for a separate space. idk, it feels a bit awkward to share more personal stuff on the home page of my site... it is my webbed site, but that doesn't mean i don't want it to be clean for others. i think it's cool to share the space, yknow?
so, i reskinned my devlog to make this. i think it's super cute. i made the bg in procreate pretty quickly using my crumble brush :oB do you like it? here's the background PNG if you want to use it, too:
i guess i'lll end up making an actual entry after this one.
so, i reskinned my devlog to make this. i think it's super cute. i made the bg in procreate pretty quickly using my crumble brush :oB do you like it? here's the background PNG if you want to use it, too:
if you do use it, pls consider either mentioning me or letting me know! i really wanna see how it turns out! i think it's so cute.
i guess i'lll end up making an actual entry after this one.